Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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