I wish I only lived at night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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