shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
