You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
