If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My feet surprised me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
