I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
