remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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