So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
