I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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