He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
