I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was confusing and full of hummus
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
