A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
