I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
