This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
