she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
