If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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