So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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