apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
