i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
