I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
