So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
