I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
