We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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