He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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