I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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