im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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