a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
