i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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