FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
