sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
