Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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