Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
