Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
