Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
