This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
