he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
