my mouth tastes like poor choices
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
