I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
