There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
