Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
