are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
