You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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