I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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