I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
