i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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