let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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