Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
