if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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