I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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