Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
