Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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