my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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